Blessings in Travel

          As I drove to school this morning, clutching my full cup off coffee as we went over speed bumps, listening to the backseat conversation about tattoo distribution (fake tattoos), I was struck once again with how very blessed I am.  The past month has been amazing. SO MUCH to be thankful for- and it isn’t even Thanksgiving yet! I can hear my mom singing in the back of my head- her sweet, yet monotone voice “Count your blessings, name them one by one”. OK, honestly she sang that to us when we were NOT being thankful but rather complaining, but this morning it was the opposite. I am now aware of how important it is to recognize/ acknowledging the good things/times in life as it helps you get through the bumpy times. (I have heard this frequently mentioned in relation to toddlers vs. teenagers.  It’s the early days of them being cute, sweet and funny that will help you trudge through the more challenging years of teenager-dom.) SO I started thinking about the many events, people, and travels of this past month and started taking inventory.  Of course, when I realized that were things I shouldn’t forget- and that I hadn’t blogged in awhile- I decided to come home, ignore 2^nd grade school work, and type it out. This has potential to be lengthy for sure! AND I’m sure there will be things I forget even to type!

The kids with "GG"

 The park with Grandma and Papa

At the beginning of the month for fall break, I loaded up the kids and my friend Karen, and we drove to Chicago for my grandma’s 90^th birthday and a visit with family. (My man left to CO for a mancation/study leave). I was so thankful for the outlet malls in southern Illinois, as A grew so much this summer she left home with one pair of pants and two long sleeved shirts that fit! We aren’t mall shoppers, and the stores here were definitely lacking in selection and “Leggett prices”, so being able to do a one-stop-shopping experience was great. We were able to head to the “cooler” (it ended up getting warm while we were there) midwest with clothes to wear. We were able to have a great visit with family (ALL of them) at the party and over the few days we were there, visited the Field Museum, an old mill, and the American Girl doll store (the GIRLS were more thankful there). The kids traveled well in the car, the driving was easy, and time with family- immediate and extended was fun.  The cousins were able to be together and we had time with my parents.  There were a few bumps that we worked through (wet beds, clogged toilets and the “we only have 45 minutes left in the car so let’s start fighting) but it was terrific. I flat out LOVE traveling with my kids. Highlights:  Keller watched the entire 3D Sue the Dinosaur movie wearing glasses, and exclaiming “He NOT eat me” when we saw the Robo-dino exhibit. A read all the info about the different things we were looking at, and was excited when she saw things related to what we were studying at school. AG totally conflicted trying to pick an outfit for herself and her American Girl doll and wanting to talk (at length) to anyone who would listen.  I really loved being with all my extended family at my Grandma’s party.  Everyone was happy, interacting, eating, playing….we just don’t get to experience that very often since we’re so far away- so it’s precious.

Some of the Festivus gang

            Next we drove to St. Louis- complete with a final trip to Culvers (Hurray for Butter Burgers and cheese curds) to visit Justin and Emily, Mike and Judy, and Bill – and Janet (surprise bonus!) We all stayed at Justin and Emily’s, which was fun. And even though they had classes and work schedules, we were able to see everyone and have some quality family time.  We went to the zoo (rode the train) and visited the Art Museum. The weather was crystal clear and the perfect temperature. The animals were out- at least the ones we wanted to see. The art museum was JUST big enough to hold the kids attention and for A’s to see a REAL Van Gogh (she just painted her own version of Starry Night) and Renoir, Degas…and more mummies! We also found a fun cupcake shop on the way home and stopped at Trader Joe’s and picked my man up some of his favorite cookies! We went home for a “festivus” dinner (with just part of the family) and stayed up late visiting. Ahh, what a day. The highlight was seeing the kids genuinely excited about what they were seeing/experiencing. Such delight! The next day we went to the Arch of St. Louis and we had dinner at AN AMAZING pizza place with Mike and Judy, took a nighttime tour of “The Loop” and their new place and talked into the night.

A with VanGogh

We came home, did laundry, and then my man and I headed to upstate SC for a conference planning meeting: 5 couples, all in ministry, planning for the Crieff conference, processing life and ministry (a group therapy session), and time to relax. We had many people step in to help with the kids at home, so I didn’t have to worry about them. (THAT is THE BIGGEST BLESSING OF ALL TIME!)  It was a beautiful place. The weather was again amazing, and I was able to sleep in until 7!!  I also witnessed a miracle. My man fixed everyone breakfast- omelets and grits. I had no idea her could do that. Poor guy, now his secret is out!  We went to Clemson one day and saw an “adopted sister” and ate at Grouchos (a favorite SC sandwich place). We ate well, had great talks (challenging and encouraging) well into the night. How thankful am I for those who “are in the same boat” and are dedicated to each other, and ministry in such a great way! 

This week coming back has been crazy. Of course I added in an extra trip to Birmingham (after being home only a day) to see a friend I knew back in high school I hadn’t seen for 18 years! We met at a conference in high school and were close for several years until college happened.  Thanks to strange pregnancy dreams, I tracked her down a few years ago.  And thanks to Facebook, we keep in touch.  But how FUN to SEE her face to face after so many years! I also included visits with soul-friends and make that another great day!

Re-entering the “real world” this week meant lots of extras: teaching Sunday school, carnival at the elementary school, snacks for school, carpools, ballet and soccer games…and possibly a few more day trips for soccer games and new babies. But I’m glad that to have had break. And there are glimmers of hope in my functioning as my house is dirty and Keller had play dough in his hair an entire day before I washed it out. (See! I’m relaxing my OCDness! I’m growing!) Yep, I am thankful.

“For a happy heart is a grateful heart. I’m glad for all I have, that’s an easy way to start!”

-Veggie Tales (proof of long car rides and DVD watching for the kids)

Cookie of the week- Frosted shortbread cut-out cookies

(last week- M&M cookies)

3am and making the most of it

It all started with a shriek, and now I’m awake.  Chalk it up to a few nights of K’s growing pains coupled with the state of my hormones, and it’s another 3am night vigil.  Initially, I try to use these early hours to pray, think, reflect- all of which are a struggle during the waking hours these days, But after awhile, it turns into obsession over factors I cannot control, which leads to more specific prayers of “what do I do about ____”…this morning (if I can refer to this time as such) I am overly focused of several friendships/struggles friends are going through, and AG’s constant pining for attention/affection. And once again I am reminded that I am not in control, how I am not the “fourth person in the Trinity”, and my desperate need for The One.  And after what seemed to be about an hour of the “alone time” in my bed, I have decided to Carpe Diem, and blog since that too is a challenge these days.

My man and I have called a truce/ set a new policy.  No “electronics” after he gets home from work.  It is a constant battle of phones, e-mail, facebook, goggle searches/ebay for his latest projects (right now it is squirrel pelts?!) and his studying which now consists of power point presentations on the ipad. (I actually think that last has a different name, but I can’t remember the program he uses that is “better” than power point.) All to say that in addition to the children’s increased energy levels post-dinner (how and why does that happen??!!), trying to get dinner made, eaten, cleaned up, and everyone’s bedtime routine implemented, the computer, phone, etc. can all make those necessities into distractions instead of the goals. AND it keeps us from being on the same team.  By the time it’s all said and done and all is settled, we can easily sit in silence as I spend an hour on the computer and then watch TV like a zombie-like state and my man sits invisibly on he couch with his “computer” in his lap until it’s time to go to bed. In my pride, I’d like to say that I don’t think that it will be too much of a challenge for me (save for the fact that I don’t have the ability to do much during the day as it is) as I have pretty much already given up the phone...but it will be interesting to see how I fare with additional separation from the “outside world” since I have little time to do that during the day either- Especially now that A’s thinks that she needs to constantly check/take care of her webkins dog, and seeing ME On the computer  reminds her of such- which starts ANOTHER battle of a different kind. (How’s THAT for a run-on sentence!)  Stay tuned. This will be an adventure of a different kind.

When K ties the tie

            K continues to walk in his daddy’s footsteps.  His newest antic is to “wear” my man’s bow ties around the house.  I mean that loosely, as what he does is tuck the top part of the tie (stolen from the closet) into his shirt, PJ top, etc and walk around.  Yesterday he added a musical element as he  marched in circles around the den singing, “ the daddy on the ba (bus), he reads, reads, reads”…(at least he didn’t sing about him working on his computer, right?) Very cute. He’s just full of cute these days and putting together audible and in-audible sentences left and right.  My other favorite is that now at bedtime, after his song requests, he says “lub you” and “tiss (kiss) me” and “ahh, a hug”.  It’s probably just another, newly discovered, delayed bedtime antic, but I’ll take what I can get.  Especially as I am reminded that boys are not affectionate forever. He continues to be the master tornado and add to that WWF wrestler, as he is all about a good “rumble” and is quick to top a pile of playing siblings. Poor A always seems to be on the bottom. And these wrestling matches/ pile ons are increasing in length.  They can now make it almost 4 minutes before someone screams about not being able to breathe, the laughter turns to screaming, and someone gets a fat lip from a stray foot. So sweet, sorta like a pile of puppies.

When Daddy ties the tie

            AG is all about “the prince”.  Who she is going to marry (“why can’t I marry daddy again?) And who is cute, and who likes whom at school…She is constantly pining for hugs, snuggles, wants to give and get kisses.  It’s all really sweet.  And my man and I love it, but it’s CONSTANT and I mean non-stop.  IT starts sweet, but then becomes a little over-bearing as she clings and doesn’t respond to some healthy re-directing/boundaries. And maybe it’s the nature of where we minister, but in our faces, we  are both panicing, thinking ahead to her as a teenager. I’m trying to encourage her to be expressive in other ways, etc. without spurning her intent, but what a challenge! If anyone has any wisdom, I need it.  I’m praying and I’m coming up with a “resources” of people to call and books to read, but I don’t know how to help her without crushing her spirit.  And to be sure, I’m sure some of it is just a phase too.  I’m not that crazy- yet. J She is really funny, and is so good at helping others, being empathetic/sympathetic, engaging in conversation with anyone…she’s going to be a great adult. Sometimes I just get a little nervous. I am reminded that I have no idea what I am doing and need all the help I can get!  The one area where my “self-sufficient” gene does not rear it’s head!

            Favorite quite by A’s this week when studying the oceans and the continents: “Oh MOM! I know about the Pacific Ocean! They have a Sandals Resort there and I’ve always wanted to go there!” Thank you Sandals Resorts for advertising during Sesame Street. Apparently, your tactics are working.  Introduce the kids to your resorts now, and it will already become a desire at 7! And as a mom, who I’m sure is also targeted as we peer through a stack of folded clothes for cameos of people we like with Elmo, I would prefer to go to the Bahamas resort with the big water slide, as it appears to be a great “family” place to escape from reality!            

            A and I also went to AG’s class this week and “did music”.  AG was SUPER excited and talked about me coming everyday for two weeks. We sang lots of songs, played instruments, danced around….it was fun.  I probably should have prepped A regarding what to do/how to help, as she tried several times to “direct” (take over) the group on  what songs to sing and with which motions SHE thought they should do.  She too, will be a great adult and a good leader.  She definitely shows initiative, and shares the bossy gene of her mother.  It WAS really fun to see her excited about helping others and doing something they liked. Again, I continue to flash forward and my prayers increase.

            And in regards to what I’m learning personally, (as that is what I really need to remember so I won’t have to learn it so intensely as the first time around), is how much I struggle with pride.  It isn’t an outward boasting for sure, but rather that deep, down, ugly, arrogance that slips out in comments I make or thoughts I have. It is SUPER YUCK.  Most of the time lately, it comes out in unnecessary comments that I make in conversations.  It’s like my filter is clogged and all sorts of “things I just need not say” ( or feel, think) slip out. I’m trying to hold every thought captive and keep perspective of who I am really am inside- that definitely helps. I know it is not a coincidence that songs of “do justly, love mercy, walk humbly” are constantly in my head. And I’m challenged to not just TELL truth to my kids, but rather to BE it for my kids- and even more for the Lover of my soul. Yep, back to the attitude of gratitude. It’s all about the motivation (love) not the manipulation (performance base).  There’s nothing worse than seeing your struggles being reflected/fleshed out in your children. In all the craziness of the last schedule changes, my balance is lopped sided- and I can tell in my attitude and perspective.(much like PMS- only the spitirual/emotional kind) So I’m trying to re-adjust, go to bed earlier, prioritize.  And I am so thankful that I am loved not for what I do, but for who I am- in spite of who I am. And thankful too, that there is hope in all things! So, with that remembered, it’s almost time for me to wake up and start my morning routine. I can start the day with the Word for today, some cups of coffee, and start that coffee cake for breakfast! And another thing I am confident of : I will need another cup of coffee again at 3pm!

Cookies of the week (last week too) White Chocolate Macadamia Nut

                                                            Oatmeal Cream pies

“The proud, trusting in their own way, get ruffled when all does not go according to their plan.  The humble allow God to be God, and will prosper under His care.”

                                                            K. Wingate A Father’s Gift

An update for mom and my new soapbox

Here is my newest dilemma: by the time I am finished with the day, I am finished. I have no words, no thoughts, and definitely no energy to write anything.  Thus, my blog is suffering. I just entered into my last and final transition of the fall: piano lessons.  First it was school, then extra curricular activities and now 11 piano students. My plate is full, although balanced and hopefully, in a few weeks I'll be adjusted to it all physically and mentally and will be able to be more consistent once more.  Until then, sorry mom, it will be more of "take what you can get"! :) 

A's panda bear drawing..

SO here's an update:  A is doing terrific with homeschooling.  She loves all the scientific experiments, learning how to read maps, thinks word problems in math are easy, and drew a terrific panda bear as part of our “living things” chapter. All these “new lessons learned” made going to the zoo this weekend in Birmingham fun as she read all the “animal facts”, and determined where we would go according to the map and it’s “keys”. My favorite thing about A being home this year (so far), is how much it has de-stressed our afternoon/evenings.  There are no battles about homework, etc., because she works on it all after lunch after we have “finished school”.  We can actually go to our extra stuff, or just play, watch tv, and go to bed with out me becoming “mean, over-tired mom”.  She had her first soccer game this weekend and played pretty well.  The kids don’t aways know who is supposed to “get” the ball, and following it all the way down to make a goal can apparently be confusing.  But it was fun to watch.  I do have to admit I was a little shocked when I impulsively started running up and down the field sidelines following her and yelling. Yep, I have definitely psycho soccer mom potential. Self- control will have to be implemented and exercised (but first, discovered).

At the game with a buddy

Today A had to write a “silly story” about an animal friend with real/fantasy elements.  In the first draft,  the “blue bird that loved to play the wii…got ran over by a car..and now there’s a graveyard…but then she bought me a new wii”. What?!  So I tried to redirect her by saying that a dead bird could not buy a new wii game- she got things out of order- so she needed to re-write the story.  Draft 2, “the red bird liked to play star wars on the wii…this man said,  ‘what am I doing, here a bomb, and it bluw up”  DOUBLE what?!  So maybe watching Mythbusters etc isn’t such a great idea. AND she spent ALL DAY taking apart a cell phone with various tools because she wanted to see how it worked/what was inside.  Apparently that was the ONLY thing that could hold her Benadryl dosed self’s attention as everything during school took 10 times longer than usual.

AG continues  to be sweet, thoughtful and always very emotional/expressive. And her feet have started to really stink. She is SO excited about buying pizza AND ice cream on Friday’s at school, and helping people. She constantly wants to watch food network for “good recipes” for me to make- although  she deemed (LOUDLY in HORROR) Paula Deen’s Banana and Ham casserole with corn flakes on top, terrible. AND she also declared that she uses too much butter- because “that recipe used 8 cups of butter!”.

AG had also been giving away her special princess rings as “friendship rings” to her friends so they won’t forget her when they go to college.  AND regularly wants to talk about who HER college roommate will be, and what kind of birthday she’s going to have when she turns 6 , SIX MONTHS from now (will it be with horses, ballet, or VBS?) , and of course what she will be for Halloween (Pippy Longstocking? or something else from the Party City catalogue?).

K is talking constantly. Apparently, like his dad, he thinks out loud.  He finds rocks everywhere he goes and carries them with him. He wants to drink “dader-ade” all the time, and has started making sound effects when he plays with cars, planes, crayons…He wants to hear “Rock-a bye Baby” before bed, and if he hears someone in the hall passing by before he’s asleep he yells “Wheels on the bu!” in a last ditch effort to postpone bedtime. My man swears something has "happened" in the past few days because K now wants to be with his dad all the time.  He wants to go everywhere with him, snuggle on the couch, wear daddy's t-shirts, shoes.  My man declared today that he and K need a backpacking trip.  Good luck with that.  Burying diapers along the trail doesn't sound like fun (or green).  Plus, four minutes down the trail, K will be yelling, " I HOLD YOU" (interpretation: please carry me). But it will be great when that day comes- K can even wear the new size 29 forest ranger belt my man just bought him!(?) I'm just glad for the little moments of male bonding occurring.

Today K was difficult to please.  He could not decide what we wanted to do other than constantly eat “nacks”…at one point I had to go outside to finish a phone conversation due to his loud incessant demands.  While I was standing outside, he locked the door and pulled all the clean clothes out of the washing machine to the floor in search for his blanket (?) – that was in the dryer.  Needless to say we had lots of  “time-out”- which apparently left a big enough impression for him to carry a doll from the girls room to the kitchen, loudly tell her “NO NO- NOW YOU GO TIME-OUT...M’AM? SORRY!”.   At dinner he asked for “MEELK” (milk) and once his sippy cup was in hand he declared “’dis MY beer” and asked to do cheers with a friend who was over for dinner. I literally have no idea where that came from…(we don’t call beer, beer, we call it “daddy juice” and it’s not common place as my man prefers wine and I don’t drink it at all.) They don’t have beer commercials on PBS or Disney channel do they? Or maybe it's the football we've been watching.

And now for my soap box and how the dots are connecting.  As you may remember, I have been reading a book "Jim and Casper Go to Church". (getglue.com/books/jim_casper_go_to_church_frank_conversation_about_faith_churches_well_meaning_christians/jim_henderson)  It has been a great book- insightful and thought provoking, a welcomed rest from the specific themed books I read (and like).  And this is my present take away- Church is not meant to be the "BE-ALL- END ALL" of following Jesus. It's a place where we come together, worship, learn, encourage each other and then GO FROM. It's not supposed to me the main event, but rather a spring board into all we do throughout the week.  That may not be profound, but I'm afraid that many, including myself, forget this.  We can easily get so busy in "church life" that we forget where/ how we are really supposed to ministering. I think I have quoted Augustine's "Preach the Gospel at all times, and when necessary, use words" but I have been once again awakened the reality that in the end, our words mean little and sometimes nothing at all (especially in southern culture). Jesus didn't spend all his time in the synagogue, He was out with the people- loving them, serving them, healing them, hanging out with them.  The only people he called out and rebuked were the religious leaders IN the synagogue. Jesus went and ministered to the people where they were in everyday ways. He didn't "befriend them with ulterior motives".  He loved them first as He loves us, as they were. If there was (is) a change, it is one that He brought (brings) about, not one that is manipulated through fear or emotion etc.  Again, not a new concept. I can name a dozen books that have reiterated that reality to me throughout the years, sermons I've heard, discussions I've had, so how is this so easy to forget?!  Here's my "so what"- that I can't quite reconcile yet.  How do we invest in our families, and our church, and simply live IT out and be able to do it all well.  How do we balance and decide what to do and when? Just with family life, schedules are crazy. Add a few church commitments, and there isn't much time left to "live it out". And reality is we just need to BE as we should- as He was, right? But for me, and maybe it's the nature of our occupational calling, but I feel like it's so easy to become so immersed in the "christian culture" (I use that term wearily, as it is a title I really don't want to claim due to the stereo types and assumptions that accompany it) that we forget that it's not supposed to be a culture, but simply a gathering of like-minded people to worship and grow IN knowledge and depth of insight. I know this has the potential of opening a whole can of worms, and there are a million angles I'm not addressing etc.  I'm not saying that church isn't important, necessary, or needed.  But at the end of the day, I think we need to stop talking and start living. I don't know what that means for others, but I need to get back to the basics- kinda like Ina Garten.  Things are always tasty in the basic ways- without lots of additives and preservatives and colors. When it's in food, it can mean spending more money (I'm not up for that commitment quite yet- nor is my pocketbook).  But maybe walking with the Lord,  means "doing less" and "being more". And maybe (of course, and obviously) I  need more time to process and own this- other than with the leftover brain power remaining at the end of the day.  This could be more challenging than a New Year's resolution!

Cross my heart and a few more things not to forget

One of the things that we’re working on in our house is telling the truth..it’s apparently a big struggle for some of us under our roof.  Whether it’s about who hit whom, if the room is clean or the mess just hidden, if the teeth have really been brushed (a easy one to test) or just being sneaky, it’s a battle here. And even if you take the Christ-like view out of it, telling the truth is still a pillar of character in the world of ethics (which I will choose to believe still exists out there). I asked one friend, how to deal with the untruths that occur throughout the day.  She told me not to give them the option to lie if it’s not necessary.  It’s shouldn’t be “did you hit your sister?” when I know for a fact (thanks to the large whelp across her arm) that she DID, rather, “why did you hit your sister”….which of course, leads into a much longer needed teachable moment that I continually, lazily, avoid or gloss over in my own overflow of emotion. IN one of these moments when I DID take the time to process through this (this time over saying things were completed when they weren’t) I said “telling the truth is not something you DO, it’s something that you ARE”.  I was momentarily impressed with myself as it sounded somewhat profound- which is rare for me.  AND I’m sure I read it somewhere and just can’t recall where- as I have a few, if any, original thoughts…but later in the day it hit me, how true it is, not just for 7 year olds that are building the foundations of who they will become, but also for mom’s that are still trying to stabilize the building that’s built on that foundation. AND believe it or not, I actually had some time to THINK and REFLECT about that. My man went off to hang with a friend for some back porch time (much needed) and it was just me, my current book I’m reading, my “incomplete thoughts” journal and the Great Listener/Motivator. I flashed back to this morning when I was listening to Buster Brown talk about Jude.  One illustration was regarding what people would say about you when you passed, in your obituary. Then I fast forwarded through my day (it’s not nearly as interesting at normal speed) and I realized how many inconsistencies I have in how I function throughout my day….connecting dots….a few snapshots of quick tempter, moments of pine-sol obsession (yes, I cleaned today), some self-righteous/martyr moments, impatient “JUST DO IT- NOW!!!!!” explosions, and a few redeemable moments and I am about as consistent as the weather. Which brings me to the LAST dot in the picture for me.  If I am to BE the example for the principles I am teaching, I fall short LOTS.  Now, I’m not bashing myself.  I am an OK mom, etc.  But I am not who I am to be- or even close to where I’d like to be.  I was reminded once more that it is not my words and teaching moments of wisdom and understanding (that are few) that make impressions on my kids, but rather my actions. I am reminded that my “deeds” are filthy rags, and that I should  “take every thought captive”….And at the heart of it all I really DO want to be what I need to be for Him, for His kingdom, and for my kids.  AND just about when I’m about to sigh with sad frustration, I remember that I too, am a work in progress. I may not hide all my clean clothes under my bed (for my pendulum has swung in the other extreme) or stomp my feet and throw myself like a rag doll in a fit of rage across the room (although I may be doing that on the inside).  I am a work in progress. And when I forget this or choose to ignore it, THEN I’m in trouble. Truth, Hope, Grace, Love.   That’s mostly what it’s all about in the end.  Seriously, I’m telling the truth. I promise.

A few quotes etc..

Getting ready to run some errands, I tell A all I need to do is go put on some make-up and we can leave.  She says “It’s OK mom, you already look beautiful as you are. I mean, moms are supposed to have wrinkles and look a LITTLE tired, so it’s ok. You look good.”

AG coming in the door from school “ Watch out everyone!  AG is IN THE HOUSE!!!!”

AG to her 5 year old crush (who was wearing a long star wars t shirt, 3 strings of Mardi Gras beads, and a kool-aide mustache)  “You are SUCH a MAN!”…in an empathetic, dreamy voice.

“There’s a boy at soccer who’s a bully.  His name is Seven- but he’s eight.   And Seven told Betty she was a cheater”.- AG

From our friend Kim (regarding Nutcracker Auditions) “When I came in this afternoon I asked her (A) how auditions went.  She said great and she loved it and went on to tell me the different parts she would like.  She asked me to come watch and when I said 'of course' she was happy with that answer.  She said she would smile at the people that came to see her....cause they would be there for HER.  She made sure to tell me it wouldn't be a 'mona lisa' smile though and showed me what a 'mona Lisa' smile looks like.

“What kinds of things did you have to do for the auditions?” I asked A.  “Kicks, leaps, arabesques, and ‘Sausage rolls”…Not quite remembering that step from my short ballet career, I had to ask A’s friend for clairification “ – Chasse (Cha-sa).  Apparently A heard an extra G, and was hungry enough to add the roll?

K’s main sentence of the past few days, “No mama. NO!” (whine, whine…time out)

“I hide-ee” (I’m hiding”)  “I hold you”, “YOU sit mama, wit me.”  “I NO GO nite-nite”

“daddy, we go Jon Ru house"




Cookie for Cookie Tuesday: Heath Bar Chip
Book: Still reading "Jim and Casper Go to Church"- HIGHLY recommend it so far!

Clicking along- A basic update…

         Week two is almost through and things are going well. Our new pastor was installed on Sunday and my man has hit the ground running.  It’s exciting to see his wheels turning again and be passionate about the adventures that await.  It’s one of the things I love about him and attracted to me to him way back in the day.  He loves Jesus, teaching, and having fun.  And now after the holding pattern of the past few weeks, he (thus we) is jumping back in! 

AG LOVES LOVES LOVES school.  She is loving her teacher, her friends- old and new- and is most delighted about PE, buying lunch (?!) and learning to read.  She brought home some papers yesterday and told me sit down.  “I am now going to read this to you mom, are you ready?”  And shaking with delight as she held her “paper book” she read, “AM.  I am.  Sam am…I CAN READ! ” See?  It’s the little things- or words, like am- that make life so grand! She an A are also getting along famously. That is a HUGE relief after that first week. They are so happy to retreat to Polly Pocket and Pet Shop land after school. AG did announce to her friend on the way to school that her parents “let her drink beer” (what?!- wait don’t call DSS yet!) Then said it was ROOT beer and it’s made from roots and is bubbly, but can come in bottles like her dad’s “juice”. I can only imagine what she is telling kids at school.  She asked her principal at the Saturday workday on the grounds if he was a “wrestler” because he was” “big, hot, sweaty and had a bandana around his head”.

K now screams and points at “ma kool” whenever we pass where he goes to pre-school.  He also can’t get out of his car seat fast enough when they are getting him out of the car.  Thankfully, I am still greeted with screams of delight when we come to pick him up at the end of the day.  Like clockwork, the first thing he says when he gets in the car is “want nack”. I’m delighting that it’s now only 90 degrees, so he can once again be free to wander around the back yard, finding sticks and exploring on the hill. And so far, the mosquitoes haven’t carried him away yet either. He is officially all boy (besides being Ken’s mini-me) and gets SO dirty, sweaty and smelly- such a huge difference from the girls.

A and the lily pads (see the one she wanted to sit on

A and are both loving home school. It’s been a blessing to have opportunity to dialogue and discuss things as opposed to me telling her something  and her responding or visa versa.  We have a great little routine (she loves the “schedule”) and can get done with all our work in about 3 hours. Last week we learned about the scientific method and the Venn diagram- the highlight being going to Across the Pond (an outdoor store) and actually observing and investigating lily pads (as opposed to making one out of a Styrofoam plate).  She LOVED it…we put rocks on the lily pads to see how they would hold mass, and where is was best placed.  We did not damage any plant-life and only lost one rock.  They did have HUGE lily pads, that A could have fit on- and wanted to try.  But I told her that if it didn’t hold her up, she would kill the $1000 coi fish that were swimming below! She also loves Rousseau (“who never took a painting class!”) and loves the math (especially the supplemental games on the computer), and reading (we’re reading a short chapter book almost everyday).  Now handwriting will be our challenge. We are running out of room on the fridge for her to display her work of which she is most proud.  We did try and embrace the “flexibility” of our schedule and went for a walk with my man one morning too.  A and I agreed- as we thought it would be fun- not realizing that we were signing up for a 4 mile walk up and down hills and down the busy street nearby.  Poor A had to walk her bike (or it had to be pushed by her daddy) up several of the significant hills.   We made it!  But trying to get on task with school afterwards was like pushing mud. Obviously, we work best first thing in the morning. She has also become interested in the content of commercials (from a discussion on advertising) on TV and now asks me if every teenager we see “uses Proactive” on their skin…so much for study breaks!

            In consistency with my weaknesses in life, I am STILL not remembering as I should. Call it age, blame it on hormones, or “sometimers” (as opposed to altizimers), but it has had several causalities.  Whether it be forgetting to cook the brisket for my dear friends dinner party, putting the cereal in the fridge and the milk in the cabinet, or realizing I have a hair appointment 5 minutes before the fact, I have become ultra dependent on lists. And after seeing a commercial yesterday, I am going out this morning to buy those removable labels and double sticky post-it notes.  It will be my new twist on decorating my kitchen etc I am sure.  If I haven’t returned your phone call, forget to come to a party/shower, or miss soccer practice, just throw a “bless her heart” my way. And you may want to put a back up plan in place if you ARE counting on me, just in case.


Cookie Tuesday  cookie of the week: White Chocolate Chip Macadamia Nut

Book of the week: Jim and Casper Go to Church by Jim Henderson and Matt Casper

           

“Jim, if a stranger comes up to me and starts professing his faith, it’s easy- too easy- to say that dude’s nuts.  But when people take the time to tell me about themselves, give me the context for their story, give me names, places, and times, it makes a lot more sense”  (matt)

Ready or not! Here I come!

I have decided that this season is a little like playing Hide and Go Seek.  I’ve mentioned that to a few people and the more I think about it (during the time I HAVE to think) the more I think it’s true.

I am definitely playing the game with lots of people, big and small, that I love.  And as everyone is hiding and I am looking for them.  The adventure is fun.  I don’t know exactly where anyone is hiding (what the day will hold for each person in relation to me) nor do I know what will happen when I find them.  They may pop out and surprise me laughing (AG), delighted that they have been found.  They may give me an angry “roar” as the jump out (K) and pretend to be vicious and run after me.  OR they may sigh with disappointment (A) but the game is not going as expected because I found them too soon, too late, etc. Throw in the additional analogies of the unexpected, misinterpreted, or unknowns of the day and it is quite a game. I am glad I am playing but am glad that at least I didn’t make up the game or the rules!

The biggest adjustment this week is my lack of words, or rather how quickly they are used up.  I think that women are supposed to have at least 2400 per day, right? I think I have spent most of mine by 3pm.  However, AG is not in same boat as me.  I think she may have easily double the words and the energy. I am slowing evolving into an inside introvert (I need an hour to fuel up in the morning and at least 30 minutes to recharge in the afternoon).  AG IS the energizer bunny.  Just like on “30 Rock” when Pete comes to work early to get sometime by himself to drink coffee and “be”- but then is later discovered by Kenneth.  Kenneth realizes Pete is there and decides to join him during his cup of coffee and talk about randomly varying subjects.  By the middle of the show, Pete is shoving thumbtacks into his hands, etc just so he can have some kind of emotional release.

I get up before the break of dawn so I can get my ducks in a row and spend some time praying, reflecting, and sit and “be” with my cup of coffee. And then AG shows up besides me with a “Good morning mom!  Are you talking to Jesus? What are you doing?  Aren’t you glad I got up early? I already made my bed, but I can’t find my clothes? Since I’m up early, I can spend some time with you? What are we having for breakfast?  Is dad at work studying?  What color am I supposed to wear? “   The first morning it was sweet.  I pulled her into my lap and she sat with me while I read and even gave me a few minutes of silence.  The second day, I very kindly told her it was too early and she needed to go back to bed (“But I’m already up- that’s OK mom!”  But by the third day, I squeezed out a civil reply. (“Nice to see you.  Why don’t you go sit on the couch for a little bit”) but on the inside I wanted to slam a stapler on my forehead as I pleaded inwardly to Jesus, “PLEASE I just need a little time- how will I make it the whole day!?”

That’s when I was reminded of Him saying, “ My grace is sufficient for you”. SO I am spending more time taking deep breaths, taking short visits to my happy place, and staying in the “bathroom” a little longer when necessary. The most amazing thing is that AG comes home from school with the same energy and “need for people”.  I have tried giving her undivided attention, playing with her for 30 minutes, having her help me cook…She still follows me around LITERALLY LIKE A SHADOW…so if you call, I will not be able to talk on the phone due to incessant listening ears… And what I’ve come to realize is this:  Someday, she won’t want to be near me, want me to know what she did that day, or what she wants to do. She won’t want to sit in my lap every time I sit down or help me even clean windows and the toilet. Thus once again, I am brought to the “And be thankful” of 1 Thessalonians 5. It is still echoing in my head.  And apparently it needs to be because it hasn’t penetrated my thick skull or my selfish “all I want is what I want, when I want it- control freak” heart. SO when you are up early in the morning, think of me- and say a prayer.

Guess I better wrap this up - it’s 6:15 and I hear little feet dancing down the hall towards the kitchen. Seriously.  J

A fly on the wall- a few quotes

Here are a few things my kids have said that I don't want to forget. There are many more, but I have already forgotten them.

After visiting a couple antique stores on K’s day off A’s says to K, “Dad, can we go look at some other furniture stores? Can we go to Pottery Barn? I’m tired of looking a dirty furniture and stuff”


Watched a kindergartener do a juggling act in the lunch line today as she picked up her tray, milk, spork, napkin, pulled money out to pay the lunch lady, selected an ice cream, and finally emerged at the other side looking disoriented. She proclaimed, "This is INSANE!" Lunch lines are no joke for a five year old. (Friend’s Facebook status re:AG)


After expressing fears about what would happen at soccer practice, I told A, “You know it always helps me to remember that I have help from the Lord when I’m afraid. He tells us in the Bible, ‘don’t be afraid for I am with you’ and ‘do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow has enough worry of it’s own’.” A’s response: “Mom, are you making that up?”


“Mom, I know I just said something funny. Does that mean you’re going to put it on Facebook?”- AG

Blessings revealed in Transitions

 Back in my early 20’s, I read a book called Hinds Feet in High Places.  After reading it I joked that if I were the main character in that book my name would have been “I can do it all by myself- my way”.  Call me a typical first born, but I have always preferred to be “ in control” with the pride and stubbornness that comes with it.   Now I KNOW that this struggle will be the thorn in my flesh for many years to come, yet I can’t help but realize how the Lord has graciously humbled me, taught me, and brought me a little further to where I’m supposed to be.  I’m not being proud, I’m just flat out thankful that there is hope along this road for growth!

When K first mentioned transitioning to the interim position in the “big church” I cried.  I didn’t just cry, I had a tantrum. I came up with a million reasons why that wouldn’t be good- for ME. I liked teenagers.  I liked our family’s rhythm.  I didn’t feel comfortable engaging with adults in conversation- unless they shared the same passion for youth. I couldn’t lead committees, or women’s Bible studies, or be THE “pastor’s wife”…the list went on and on.  And finally Ken asked, “Did you marry ME or YOUTH MINISTRY?” Telling question. In that moment of irrational emotion, I couldn’t answer.  This lead to a 3-month transition of my heart.  I called my precious friend and mentor, Cathy, who helped me process the “ME” out of the situation and finally arrive at what the LORD’s will was for the ministry, church and our family.  By the time I got there, I was ready and willing to take on the challenge. It wasn’t any of my resolutions or insights that brought me to that place.  NO, it was relinquishing control to the One who knows all things and the assistance of many honest friends that spoke truth to me (and rebuked me when necessary), encouraged me, and supported me.

(Lead in to background music  “We’re All in This Together”” from High School Musical)  I need community. I need the “covenant” family. I need people that KNOW my weaknesses, my sinful tendencies and me, to surround me and love me- NOT BECAUSE OF WHO I AM BUT IN SPITE OF WHO I AM.  That is one of the many ways I am sharpened, challenged, and grow.   I DON’T know what I’m doing- how to be a wife, a mom, a pastor’s wife. I need help!  It has given to me in abundance- and it continues!!  I am NOT “I can do it all by myself- my way” I am “lost, broken, and love/need Jesus”!!  Thus, I am thankful for all those who surround me.

-I have learned to put my family FIRST. They are to be my “youth group”! I can plan things for them, teach them, process with them, and play with them.  Sadly, this has been a struggle as I love ministry and sometimes at the expense of those under my roof.

-I'm not supposed to live up to the expectations of others- or what I perceive to be their expectations. I have to do what I am called to do- even if it means saying “no” to other good things. Oh, a direct hit to an "approval addict".

-I am not in the drivers seat. I need to open and willing to go the way of the day- even if it’s NOT what I expected.  Whomever said there is “joy in the journey” I should add- even if you aren’t programming the GPS!

-People are more important that a clean house. HUGE, HUGE struggle for me.

(“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing- Phyllis Diller)  The mess and the dirt aren’t going anywhere, but people do. So I’m now trying to let my house get dirty, instead of obsessing. I keep telling myself, “Someday, I’ll have to clean a clean house, and I’ll be sad.” (More evidence of the “control”….I know, I know..) Small steps...sometimes forward, sometimes backwards.

-Being transparent in the end is easier than pretending/denying that anything is wrong.  I thought I had learned that long ago in the days of my post college  “nervous breakdown” with help from my therapist, Eleanor.  But I have re-discovered the freedom being honest. If you admit something’s “broken” you can fix it, and others will be able to help.  If you ignore it, it festers and the end result reveals more damage. And being transparent isn’t usually easy- it can be embarrassing and painful- but worth it in the end.

-Community is important in the development for family, faith and FAMILY.  Having others around, investing in my children, makes up for my/My man’s deficiencies.  There so much that my children can learn from others- mercy, kindness, appreciation of things in life- that they couldn’t learn from us. It’s the reality of “it takes a village”. But even in that, I am learning boundaries.  The “village” can’t do it all!

-Be thankful/joyful always. There is something to be thankful for in every situation.  That’s not any of my old “over-done denial" optimisms, it’s just true. And looking back there is MUCH to be thankful for- the good and the challenging.

SO my “life verse” for this transition- as I move into another:

“Be joyful always; pray continually; Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will in Christ Jesus” I Thess. 5:16-18 

I'm excited about this next adventure- it's ups and downs and bumps along the way. I can stretch and prepare with confidence as the jog begins.  And can't wait to see how things continue to change and grow as the fire hydrant of life's lessons are turned on once more. 

"Let us, then, be up and doing

With a heart for any fate;

Still achieving, still pursuing,

Learn to labor and to wait"

                     -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Figuring it out?

K's first day

I have officially survived day 3 of this “new season”.  Yesterday was a rollercoaster of emotion- so much so that by the time the day was over; I had no words left and little brain cells to process anyway.

Day 2 started the morning in the kitchen, crying as I made K's first packed lunch.  I was sad realizing that this was just the first of MANY lunches I would be packing for him to eat without me. (I know if you just had kids leave for college, you are rolling your eyes, warranted.) I started getting nostalgic over how he eats, how he laughs and plays with his food, blah, blah…My man walks in sees me crying, asks why, and then says, “Look J!  Here is his favorite Elmo book.  You can look at it all day and remember the good times that have passed.” Yep, that would be his gift of mercy/ “try and make her laugh” approach (bombed).  Then at breakfast, the girls prayed for the day and included K’s “first day to make friends, not get in trouble, and learn how to read"” and I cried some more. THEN my man walks into K’s room as I am making beds, dressed in his “returning to the old job” clothes.  He looked so comfortable and happy, I cried again.

The day was a steady paced jog through various events. I dropped K off, went for another curriculum visit to once again view options…I FINALLY BOUGHT CURRICILUM ONLINE. After reviewing all my options, I decided I didn’t want any. I bought a boxed set. Done.  Anyway, A did school work- English, Math sheets, and some online games.  “There’s a great site that has games, but I can’t remember what it is…Oh, wait, I’ll just google it…here is it…found it.  See mom?” OMG-ness. My 7 year old just did a successful search on google and I didn’t know she knew how.  We had lunch with some friends,  picked K up….After getting him from his room, he tried to direct me to the room AG was in last year. “Uh OH mama- we need AG-her room there!” SO dear- and then a "bless his heart."

Now for the transitional hurtles: AG comes home SO EXCITED to see A. All she wants to do is hug her, and play with her, talk to her, follower her.  She is an exhausted ball of adrenalin. A has been “home” all day and even had a good day, but is a little jealous and bursting with control issues. (Yes, an unfortunate genetic trait of our family on which an entire reality show could be based.  No drama would have to be created. It already runs high) The collision was sad. AG pouring out words of love, and affirmation “You know you are the most valuable person to me A.  I love you.  I will always love you”. And A’s response, “ I know, AG, I know.” Leading to some more not so nice things that I cannot write as I need to forget them.  Obviously since then, I've been on my knees seeking wisdom and voraciously reading sections of my favorite parenting books.  I know it’s transitional issues- I am there too.  But how to guide and teach through them?! It’s funny how often (like all the time) I forget that learning is a PROCESS, not a one-time lesson when addressing matters of the heart, soul and spirit. 

We had a good day today too…some of the same, adding in a trip to the Children’s Museum in the middle of the day.  Some similar dynamics when AG got home from school but we addressed it. Consistency will be my challenge and my battle cry.  If you see me with my face painted blue carrying a flag and running up and down my front yard, you’ll know why.

ON a sweet note, we have had several impromptu dance parties in the girl’s room- dancing to Disney songs and the like.  All 3 kids dance and laugh and swing each other around.  It’s these endearing moments I want to remember.  K galloping around and doing the “monkey dance.  A adding in stuffed animal partners.  AG twirling (her favorite move). We made cocoa krispy treats for  “Cookie Tuesday” (it was too hot to bake).  The kids LOVED the salad with grilled chicken we had for dinner (?!).  And we all had an extra big slice of raspberry yogurt oreo pie after dinner. Top it all off with a painful-at-times episode of “America’s Got Talent “ before bed, then…quiet.

K supporting A during her reading time

Off to re-read my new “favorite book”- Aren’t They Lovely When They’re Asleep? Lessons in Unsentimental Parenting by Ann Benton.  So much to learn, so little time- but generally pretty fun and still super blessed.

The day of lots of words

Let the talking begin...

the day of lots of words 

It was a good day of firsts. Everyone woke up happy and smiling. I dawned my signature color, black (sorry Stacy and Clinton), and we had special "chocolate chip waffles WITH whipped cream from a can" for breakfast. The morning drop off to kindergarten's first day went smoothly. K's visit to his pre-school classroom was as expected. And A's completed 4 pages of review work with sentences and capitalization and read an entire book. We went visit to the home school curriculum store that is closed on Monday, picked up a few things at Publix and had a visit with a dear friend in the dairy isle, the library for books, and got home in time to read with A, clean the floor, have a piano lesson, cooked dinner for family and friend, get the kids to bed and remember that there is NOTHING on TV to watch on Mondays. And thus, I hold true and fast to my mantra, which I will also most likely have inscribed on my tombstone (hopefully in addition to scripture), "I got a lot done". Perhaps the most surprising occurrence of the day was K’s sudden ability to speak in sentences. Seriously, before today, we were hearing 2-3 words at a time tops. Usually some interpretation is needed by myself or one of the sisters. But something happened last night while he was sleeping for this morning new communication had evolved.
Here are some of the highlights:
"I go in daddy's bye bye wit you" - I want to go with you in daddy's car
"I no want a toot-ie, tink two bo" - I don't want a cookie but thanks though (!)
"I no more chikn nugs, I want nack" - I don't want to eat my growing food, give me the junk
AND my FAVORITE, which MADE THE DAY WORTH WHILE
A's said "I love you K" and HE SAID " I LUB YOU TOO A'S"!!!!!! My heart melted and I thought to myself "There is hope!"
All of his words were not so appreciated, especially when shared in song.  Loudly at the top of his lungs, for 10 minutes (seemingly an eternity in the silent surroundings), he sang "daddy's on da bas day read, read, read, read, read, read" over and over and over in the LIBRARY!!! Yes, cute, even clever (since we were surrounded by books), but I have never seen so many "reprimanding" looks in one short span on time. 
Not to be overdone with the gift of talking, AG danced in the door after school and dramatically grabbed me by both hands, led me to the couch and said, " MOM, you MUST sit down.  I need to tell you all about my day!  IT was fantastic!" And with all the enthusiasm of a girl home from her first date, she described all the "most wonderful" events of the day. Colored a self portrait (NOT mixed media, just crayon- she said), sang some songs, went on a BEAR HUNT AND ate TEDDY GRAHAMS, went to PE AND she choose to take her nap RIGHT by the door in case there really was a bear and it came back.  She really wanted to see it. Honestly, looking back on the time from then until bed, I don't think she really ever stopped talking.  And there was only one tantrum although there was a good bit of emotional frustration a few times.  
A's and I had a good time with "school" the highlights being reading aloud and together, and discussing various "facts" about things...some she made up, some she learned from the science channel. SHE talked non-stop in the car getting Keller to "say this" or commenting on all she was seeing out the window. (Please remember back to the movie "Forget Paris" when the grandfather is riding in the car, reading EVERY sign- pretty close comparison.) She was also proud to show me that she already KNEW some of what we were learning. But just for the record, I STILL have not actually purchased curriculum.  You would think I was buying a house with all the stress, worry, research and avoidance invested in this decision. Somewhere in the back of my head is a quote from Tim Keller in Counterfeit Gods that addresses that. But I think I will ignore that today too. Just call me Scarlet O'Hara- proof that I have a long way to go in sanctification.  SO, all in all, not a bad day. A pretty basic example of what the rest of the days ahead will hold.  And somehow, I managed to write an awful lot about not much. Imagine that.  

Let the transitions begin...

Yes, I am a little weepy...

Let the transitions begin!

I always joke that as women, our lives are nothing but small intervals of living in the middle of transitions. The biggest crisis times in my life have been all related to if not caused by transition. Thanks to going to a therapist, being a therapist, and walking with the One who is directing it all, I'm starting to almost embrace them as adventure as opposed to dread the changes that come. This does NOT mean that I smile and jump up and down when I see them approaching.  I usually cry with each milestone reached by my kids, spend extra time on my knees with big decisions, and hold my breath during "long term planning meetings" with my husband...and now I'm doing a little bit of all three.
As of tomorrow, K (2)will be going to pre-school, AG (5) will go off to kindergarten, I'm going to homeschool A (7) for second grade (?!), and my husband heads back to his old job. Some of this has been anticipated. K needs to go to school- his 2 year old self needs some socialization and constructive adventures as opposed to painting his body with petroleum 

jelly, re-inacting tornados in the playroom, and escaping outside in only his diaper.  He is at such a fun age when everything he says and does is funny- and he's still super cute- and knows it.  AG is in a class with all her dearest buddies with the same teacher her sister had. She'll LOVE having new people to talk to (I'm guessing it will only take a week for her bus to be moved for excessive talking in class), and can't wait to read and write like her sister.  I'll miss her laugh, and maybe even some of her constant pining for attention...and I'm bracing for the "emotional explosions" that will be compounded from a long day as school.  And as for A- never thought I'd homeschool, but I am.  I'm excited about the time with her and forging into unknown territories of education with a second grader.  As of this minute, I am still swimming in the options of curriculum- a funny place for a person with commitment issues to be. AND tomorrow, my man will be officially transitioning back from being the "IP" (interm) pastor to the "TP" (Transitional/special butterfly) pastor on the road across the street to being "Youth and Families" pastor once more. 

The traditional shot

So, tomorrow it begins at 5:30am. My cup of coffee with Jesus, making lunch with Robin of CNN's Headline News, a special breakfast (TBA) and the race to get everyone ready, smiling, and posed by the front door for the traditional "first day of school" picture. 

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things"- Robert Brault