An attempt to remember the things (big and small) that matter most

I remember vividly driving over a bridge in Charleston in college: the wind swirling in around me from my open window, the smell of the marsh, the sun setting on my old red Ford station wagon "Eugena", sticky from dried sunscreen mixed with sand and sweat, and Natalie Merchant blaring "These are days to remember.." I thought, "These are the days I have lived for". It was sheer bliss.
Now, fast forward some years. I am a wife. I am a mother of 3. I live in Tennessee, via Alabama. So much has happened! So many sweet moments have passed through the years...but I really can't remember a lot of them. I gave up scrap booking with my dating relationships. I only journal when I'm sad (please remember this if I die and you find them..) or it moments of resolution. I take millions of pictures for my online album but rarely print them. And all the special "keepsakes" of my married life with children are thrown into rubbermaid containers (they are, at least, labeled). My only record of the funny things my kids say and do, insights discovered, or how the Lord has "connected the dots" in life, is found on my Facebook status. That. Is. Pathetic.
And thus, here is my record. A lame attempt (I am not a good writer, witty nor wise) to record the adventures found in the chaos of life. My goal is not so much that it be worth reading (especially by those who don't know me) but rather that it be remembered by a mom blessed by much, and still can't remember the grocery list to take to the store.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Ready or not! Here I come!


I have decided that this season is a little like playing Hide and Go Seek.  I’ve mentioned that to a few people and the more I think about it (during the time I HAVE to think) the more I think it’s true.
I am definitely playing the game with lots of people, big and small, that I love.  And as everyone is hiding and I am looking for them.  The adventure is fun.  I don’t know exactly where anyone is hiding (what the day will hold for each person in relation to me) nor do I know what will happen when I find them.  They may pop out and surprise me laughing (AG), delighted that they have been found.  They may give me an angry “roar” as the jump out (K) and pretend to be vicious and run after me.  OR they may sigh with disappointment (A) but the game is not going as expected because I found them too soon, too late, etc. Throw in the additional analogies of the unexpected, misinterpreted, or unknowns of the day and it is quite a game. I am glad I am playing but am glad that at least I didn’t make up the game or the rules!

The biggest adjustment this week is my lack of words, or rather how quickly they are used up.  I think that women are supposed to have at least 2400 per day, right? I think I have spent most of mine by 3pm.  However, AG is not in same boat as me.  I think she may have easily double the words and the energy. I am slowing evolving into an inside introvert (I need an hour to fuel up in the morning and at least 30 minutes to recharge in the afternoon).  AG IS the energizer bunny.  Just like on “30 Rock” when Pete comes to work early to get sometime by himself to drink coffee and “be”- but then is later discovered by Kenneth.  Kenneth realizes Pete is there and decides to join him during his cup of coffee and talk about randomly varying subjects.  By the middle of the show, Pete is shoving thumbtacks into his hands, etc just so he can have some kind of emotional release.
I get up before the break of dawn so I can get my ducks in a row and spend some time praying, reflecting, and sit and “be” with my cup of coffee. And then AG shows up besides me with a “Good morning mom!  Are you talking to Jesus? What are you doing?  Aren’t you glad I got up early? I already made my bed, but I can’t find my clothes? Since I’m up early, I can spend some time with you? What are we having for breakfast?  Is dad at work studying?  What color am I supposed to wear? “   The first morning it was sweet.  I pulled her into my lap and she sat with me while I read and even gave me a few minutes of silence.  The second day, I very kindly told her it was too early and she needed to go back to bed (“But I’m already up- that’s OK mom!”  But by the third day, I squeezed out a civil reply. (“Nice to see you.  Why don’t you go sit on the couch for a little bit”) but on the inside I wanted to slam a stapler on my forehead as I pleaded inwardly to Jesus, “PLEASE I just need a little time- how will I make it the whole day!?”
That’s when I was reminded of Him saying, “ My grace is sufficient for you”. SO I am spending more time taking deep breaths, taking short visits to my happy place, and staying in the “bathroom” a little longer when necessary. The most amazing thing is that AG comes home from school with the same energy and “need for people”.  I have tried giving her undivided attention, playing with her for 30 minutes, having her help me cook…She still follows me around LITERALLY LIKE A SHADOW…so if you call, I will not be able to talk on the phone due to incessant listening ears… And what I’ve come to realize is this:  Someday, she won’t want to be near me, want me to know what she did that day, or what she wants to do. She won’t want to sit in my lap every time I sit down or help me even clean windows and the toilet. Thus once again, I am brought to the “And be thankful” of 1 Thessalonians 5. It is still echoing in my head.  And apparently it needs to be because it hasn’t penetrated my thick skull or my selfish “all I want is what I want, when I want it- control freak” heart. SO when you are up early in the morning, think of me- and say a prayer.
Guess I better wrap this up - it’s 6:15 and I hear little feet dancing down the hall towards the kitchen. Seriously.  J
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