3am and making the most of it

It all started with a shriek, and now I’m awake.  Chalk it up to a few nights of K’s growing pains coupled with the state of my hormones, and it’s another 3am night vigil.  Initially, I try to use these early hours to pray, think, reflect- all of which are a struggle during the waking hours these days, But after awhile, it turns into obsession over factors I cannot control, which leads to more specific prayers of “what do I do about ____”…this morning (if I can refer to this time as such) I am overly focused of several friendships/struggles friends are going through, and AG’s constant pining for attention/affection. And once again I am reminded that I am not in control, how I am not the “fourth person in the Trinity”, and my desperate need for The One.  And after what seemed to be about an hour of the “alone time” in my bed, I have decided to Carpe Diem, and blog since that too is a challenge these days.

My man and I have called a truce/ set a new policy.  No “electronics” after he gets home from work.  It is a constant battle of phones, e-mail, facebook, goggle searches/ebay for his latest projects (right now it is squirrel pelts?!) and his studying which now consists of power point presentations on the ipad. (I actually think that last has a different name, but I can’t remember the program he uses that is “better” than power point.) All to say that in addition to the children’s increased energy levels post-dinner (how and why does that happen??!!), trying to get dinner made, eaten, cleaned up, and everyone’s bedtime routine implemented, the computer, phone, etc. can all make those necessities into distractions instead of the goals. AND it keeps us from being on the same team.  By the time it’s all said and done and all is settled, we can easily sit in silence as I spend an hour on the computer and then watch TV like a zombie-like state and my man sits invisibly on he couch with his “computer” in his lap until it’s time to go to bed. In my pride, I’d like to say that I don’t think that it will be too much of a challenge for me (save for the fact that I don’t have the ability to do much during the day as it is) as I have pretty much already given up the phone...but it will be interesting to see how I fare with additional separation from the “outside world” since I have little time to do that during the day either- Especially now that A’s thinks that she needs to constantly check/take care of her webkins dog, and seeing ME On the computer  reminds her of such- which starts ANOTHER battle of a different kind. (How’s THAT for a run-on sentence!)  Stay tuned. This will be an adventure of a different kind.

When K ties the tie

            K continues to walk in his daddy’s footsteps.  His newest antic is to “wear” my man’s bow ties around the house.  I mean that loosely, as what he does is tuck the top part of the tie (stolen from the closet) into his shirt, PJ top, etc and walk around.  Yesterday he added a musical element as he  marched in circles around the den singing, “ the daddy on the ba (bus), he reads, reads, reads”…(at least he didn’t sing about him working on his computer, right?) Very cute. He’s just full of cute these days and putting together audible and in-audible sentences left and right.  My other favorite is that now at bedtime, after his song requests, he says “lub you” and “tiss (kiss) me” and “ahh, a hug”.  It’s probably just another, newly discovered, delayed bedtime antic, but I’ll take what I can get.  Especially as I am reminded that boys are not affectionate forever. He continues to be the master tornado and add to that WWF wrestler, as he is all about a good “rumble” and is quick to top a pile of playing siblings. Poor A always seems to be on the bottom. And these wrestling matches/ pile ons are increasing in length.  They can now make it almost 4 minutes before someone screams about not being able to breathe, the laughter turns to screaming, and someone gets a fat lip from a stray foot. So sweet, sorta like a pile of puppies.

When Daddy ties the tie

            AG is all about “the prince”.  Who she is going to marry (“why can’t I marry daddy again?) And who is cute, and who likes whom at school…She is constantly pining for hugs, snuggles, wants to give and get kisses.  It’s all really sweet.  And my man and I love it, but it’s CONSTANT and I mean non-stop.  IT starts sweet, but then becomes a little over-bearing as she clings and doesn’t respond to some healthy re-directing/boundaries. And maybe it’s the nature of where we minister, but in our faces, we  are both panicing, thinking ahead to her as a teenager. I’m trying to encourage her to be expressive in other ways, etc. without spurning her intent, but what a challenge! If anyone has any wisdom, I need it.  I’m praying and I’m coming up with a “resources” of people to call and books to read, but I don’t know how to help her without crushing her spirit.  And to be sure, I’m sure some of it is just a phase too.  I’m not that crazy- yet. J She is really funny, and is so good at helping others, being empathetic/sympathetic, engaging in conversation with anyone…she’s going to be a great adult. Sometimes I just get a little nervous. I am reminded that I have no idea what I am doing and need all the help I can get!  The one area where my “self-sufficient” gene does not rear it’s head!

            Favorite quite by A’s this week when studying the oceans and the continents: “Oh MOM! I know about the Pacific Ocean! They have a Sandals Resort there and I’ve always wanted to go there!” Thank you Sandals Resorts for advertising during Sesame Street. Apparently, your tactics are working.  Introduce the kids to your resorts now, and it will already become a desire at 7! And as a mom, who I’m sure is also targeted as we peer through a stack of folded clothes for cameos of people we like with Elmo, I would prefer to go to the Bahamas resort with the big water slide, as it appears to be a great “family” place to escape from reality!            

            A and I also went to AG’s class this week and “did music”.  AG was SUPER excited and talked about me coming everyday for two weeks. We sang lots of songs, played instruments, danced around….it was fun.  I probably should have prepped A regarding what to do/how to help, as she tried several times to “direct” (take over) the group on  what songs to sing and with which motions SHE thought they should do.  She too, will be a great adult and a good leader.  She definitely shows initiative, and shares the bossy gene of her mother.  It WAS really fun to see her excited about helping others and doing something they liked. Again, I continue to flash forward and my prayers increase.

            And in regards to what I’m learning personally, (as that is what I really need to remember so I won’t have to learn it so intensely as the first time around), is how much I struggle with pride.  It isn’t an outward boasting for sure, but rather that deep, down, ugly, arrogance that slips out in comments I make or thoughts I have. It is SUPER YUCK.  Most of the time lately, it comes out in unnecessary comments that I make in conversations.  It’s like my filter is clogged and all sorts of “things I just need not say” ( or feel, think) slip out. I’m trying to hold every thought captive and keep perspective of who I am really am inside- that definitely helps. I know it is not a coincidence that songs of “do justly, love mercy, walk humbly” are constantly in my head. And I’m challenged to not just TELL truth to my kids, but rather to BE it for my kids- and even more for the Lover of my soul. Yep, back to the attitude of gratitude. It’s all about the motivation (love) not the manipulation (performance base).  There’s nothing worse than seeing your struggles being reflected/fleshed out in your children. In all the craziness of the last schedule changes, my balance is lopped sided- and I can tell in my attitude and perspective.(much like PMS- only the spitirual/emotional kind) So I’m trying to re-adjust, go to bed earlier, prioritize.  And I am so thankful that I am loved not for what I do, but for who I am- in spite of who I am. And thankful too, that there is hope in all things! So, with that remembered, it’s almost time for me to wake up and start my morning routine. I can start the day with the Word for today, some cups of coffee, and start that coffee cake for breakfast! And another thing I am confident of : I will need another cup of coffee again at 3pm!

Cookies of the week (last week too) White Chocolate Macadamia Nut

                                                            Oatmeal Cream pies

“The proud, trusting in their own way, get ruffled when all does not go according to their plan.  The humble allow God to be God, and will prosper under His care.”

                                                            K. Wingate A Father’s Gift

An update for mom and my new soapbox

Here is my newest dilemma: by the time I am finished with the day, I am finished. I have no words, no thoughts, and definitely no energy to write anything.  Thus, my blog is suffering. I just entered into my last and final transition of the fall: piano lessons.  First it was school, then extra curricular activities and now 11 piano students. My plate is full, although balanced and hopefully, in a few weeks I'll be adjusted to it all physically and mentally and will be able to be more consistent once more.  Until then, sorry mom, it will be more of "take what you can get"! :) 

A's panda bear drawing..

SO here's an update:  A is doing terrific with homeschooling.  She loves all the scientific experiments, learning how to read maps, thinks word problems in math are easy, and drew a terrific panda bear as part of our “living things” chapter. All these “new lessons learned” made going to the zoo this weekend in Birmingham fun as she read all the “animal facts”, and determined where we would go according to the map and it’s “keys”. My favorite thing about A being home this year (so far), is how much it has de-stressed our afternoon/evenings.  There are no battles about homework, etc., because she works on it all after lunch after we have “finished school”.  We can actually go to our extra stuff, or just play, watch tv, and go to bed with out me becoming “mean, over-tired mom”.  She had her first soccer game this weekend and played pretty well.  The kids don’t aways know who is supposed to “get” the ball, and following it all the way down to make a goal can apparently be confusing.  But it was fun to watch.  I do have to admit I was a little shocked when I impulsively started running up and down the field sidelines following her and yelling. Yep, I have definitely psycho soccer mom potential. Self- control will have to be implemented and exercised (but first, discovered).

At the game with a buddy

Today A had to write a “silly story” about an animal friend with real/fantasy elements.  In the first draft,  the “blue bird that loved to play the wii…got ran over by a car..and now there’s a graveyard…but then she bought me a new wii”. What?!  So I tried to redirect her by saying that a dead bird could not buy a new wii game- she got things out of order- so she needed to re-write the story.  Draft 2, “the red bird liked to play star wars on the wii…this man said,  ‘what am I doing, here a bomb, and it bluw up”  DOUBLE what?!  So maybe watching Mythbusters etc isn’t such a great idea. AND she spent ALL DAY taking apart a cell phone with various tools because she wanted to see how it worked/what was inside.  Apparently that was the ONLY thing that could hold her Benadryl dosed self’s attention as everything during school took 10 times longer than usual.

AG continues  to be sweet, thoughtful and always very emotional/expressive. And her feet have started to really stink. She is SO excited about buying pizza AND ice cream on Friday’s at school, and helping people. She constantly wants to watch food network for “good recipes” for me to make- although  she deemed (LOUDLY in HORROR) Paula Deen’s Banana and Ham casserole with corn flakes on top, terrible. AND she also declared that she uses too much butter- because “that recipe used 8 cups of butter!”.

AG had also been giving away her special princess rings as “friendship rings” to her friends so they won’t forget her when they go to college.  AND regularly wants to talk about who HER college roommate will be, and what kind of birthday she’s going to have when she turns 6 , SIX MONTHS from now (will it be with horses, ballet, or VBS?) , and of course what she will be for Halloween (Pippy Longstocking? or something else from the Party City catalogue?).

K is talking constantly. Apparently, like his dad, he thinks out loud.  He finds rocks everywhere he goes and carries them with him. He wants to drink “dader-ade” all the time, and has started making sound effects when he plays with cars, planes, crayons…He wants to hear “Rock-a bye Baby” before bed, and if he hears someone in the hall passing by before he’s asleep he yells “Wheels on the bu!” in a last ditch effort to postpone bedtime. My man swears something has "happened" in the past few days because K now wants to be with his dad all the time.  He wants to go everywhere with him, snuggle on the couch, wear daddy's t-shirts, shoes.  My man declared today that he and K need a backpacking trip.  Good luck with that.  Burying diapers along the trail doesn't sound like fun (or green).  Plus, four minutes down the trail, K will be yelling, " I HOLD YOU" (interpretation: please carry me). But it will be great when that day comes- K can even wear the new size 29 forest ranger belt my man just bought him!(?) I'm just glad for the little moments of male bonding occurring.

Today K was difficult to please.  He could not decide what we wanted to do other than constantly eat “nacks”…at one point I had to go outside to finish a phone conversation due to his loud incessant demands.  While I was standing outside, he locked the door and pulled all the clean clothes out of the washing machine to the floor in search for his blanket (?) – that was in the dryer.  Needless to say we had lots of  “time-out”- which apparently left a big enough impression for him to carry a doll from the girls room to the kitchen, loudly tell her “NO NO- NOW YOU GO TIME-OUT...M’AM? SORRY!”.   At dinner he asked for “MEELK” (milk) and once his sippy cup was in hand he declared “’dis MY beer” and asked to do cheers with a friend who was over for dinner. I literally have no idea where that came from…(we don’t call beer, beer, we call it “daddy juice” and it’s not common place as my man prefers wine and I don’t drink it at all.) They don’t have beer commercials on PBS or Disney channel do they? Or maybe it's the football we've been watching.

And now for my soap box and how the dots are connecting.  As you may remember, I have been reading a book "Jim and Casper Go to Church". (getglue.com/books/jim_casper_go_to_church_frank_conversation_about_faith_churches_well_meaning_christians/jim_henderson)  It has been a great book- insightful and thought provoking, a welcomed rest from the specific themed books I read (and like).  And this is my present take away- Church is not meant to be the "BE-ALL- END ALL" of following Jesus. It's a place where we come together, worship, learn, encourage each other and then GO FROM. It's not supposed to me the main event, but rather a spring board into all we do throughout the week.  That may not be profound, but I'm afraid that many, including myself, forget this.  We can easily get so busy in "church life" that we forget where/ how we are really supposed to ministering. I think I have quoted Augustine's "Preach the Gospel at all times, and when necessary, use words" but I have been once again awakened the reality that in the end, our words mean little and sometimes nothing at all (especially in southern culture). Jesus didn't spend all his time in the synagogue, He was out with the people- loving them, serving them, healing them, hanging out with them.  The only people he called out and rebuked were the religious leaders IN the synagogue. Jesus went and ministered to the people where they were in everyday ways. He didn't "befriend them with ulterior motives".  He loved them first as He loves us, as they were. If there was (is) a change, it is one that He brought (brings) about, not one that is manipulated through fear or emotion etc.  Again, not a new concept. I can name a dozen books that have reiterated that reality to me throughout the years, sermons I've heard, discussions I've had, so how is this so easy to forget?!  Here's my "so what"- that I can't quite reconcile yet.  How do we invest in our families, and our church, and simply live IT out and be able to do it all well.  How do we balance and decide what to do and when? Just with family life, schedules are crazy. Add a few church commitments, and there isn't much time left to "live it out". And reality is we just need to BE as we should- as He was, right? But for me, and maybe it's the nature of our occupational calling, but I feel like it's so easy to become so immersed in the "christian culture" (I use that term wearily, as it is a title I really don't want to claim due to the stereo types and assumptions that accompany it) that we forget that it's not supposed to be a culture, but simply a gathering of like-minded people to worship and grow IN knowledge and depth of insight. I know this has the potential of opening a whole can of worms, and there are a million angles I'm not addressing etc.  I'm not saying that church isn't important, necessary, or needed.  But at the end of the day, I think we need to stop talking and start living. I don't know what that means for others, but I need to get back to the basics- kinda like Ina Garten.  Things are always tasty in the basic ways- without lots of additives and preservatives and colors. When it's in food, it can mean spending more money (I'm not up for that commitment quite yet- nor is my pocketbook).  But maybe walking with the Lord,  means "doing less" and "being more". And maybe (of course, and obviously) I  need more time to process and own this- other than with the leftover brain power remaining at the end of the day.  This could be more challenging than a New Year's resolution!