It all started with a shriek, and now I’m awake. Chalk it up to a few nights of K’s growing pains coupled with the state of my hormones, and it’s another 3am night vigil. Initially, I try to use these early hours to pray, think, reflect- all of which are a struggle during the waking hours these days, But after awhile, it turns into obsession over factors I cannot control, which leads to more specific prayers of “what do I do about ____”…this morning (if I can refer to this time as such) I am overly focused of several friendships/struggles friends are going through, and AG’s constant pining for attention/affection. And once again I am reminded that I am not in control, how I am not the “fourth person in the Trinity”, and my desperate need for The One. And after what seemed to be about an hour of the “alone time” in my bed, I have decided to Carpe Diem, and blog since that too is a challenge these days.
My man and I have called a truce/ set a new policy. No “electronics” after he gets home from work. It is a constant battle of phones, e-mail, facebook, goggle searches/ebay for his latest projects (right now it is squirrel pelts?!) and his studying which now consists of power point presentations on the ipad. (I actually think that last has a different name, but I can’t remember the program he uses that is “better” than power point.) All to say that in addition to the children’s increased energy levels post-dinner (how and why does that happen??!!), trying to get dinner made, eaten, cleaned up, and everyone’s bedtime routine implemented, the computer, phone, etc. can all make those necessities into distractions instead of the goals. AND it keeps us from being on the same team. By the time it’s all said and done and all is settled, we can easily sit in silence as I spend an hour on the computer and then watch TV like a zombie-like state and my man sits invisibly on he couch with his “computer” in his lap until it’s time to go to bed. In my pride, I’d like to say that I don’t think that it will be too much of a challenge for me (save for the fact that I don’t have the ability to do much during the day as it is) as I have pretty much already given up the phone...but it will be interesting to see how I fare with additional separation from the “outside world” since I have little time to do that during the day either- Especially now that A’s thinks that she needs to constantly check/take care of her webkins dog, and seeing ME On the computer reminds her of such- which starts ANOTHER battle of a different kind. (How’s THAT for a run-on sentence!) Stay tuned. This will be an adventure of a different kind.
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| When K ties the tie |
K continues to walk in his daddy’s footsteps. His newest antic is to “wear” my man’s bow ties around the house. I mean that loosely, as what he does is tuck the top part of the tie (stolen from the closet) into his shirt, PJ top, etc and walk around. Yesterday he added a musical element as he marched in circles around the den singing, “ the daddy on the ba (bus), he reads, reads, reads”…(at least he didn’t sing about him working on his computer, right?) Very cute. He’s just full of cute these days and putting together audible and in-audible sentences left and right. My other favorite is that now at bedtime, after his song requests, he says “lub you” and “tiss (kiss) me” and “ahh, a hug”. It’s probably just another, newly discovered, delayed bedtime antic, but I’ll take what I can get. Especially as I am reminded that boys are not affectionate forever. He continues to be the master tornado and add to that WWF wrestler, as he is all about a good “rumble” and is quick to top a pile of playing siblings. Poor A always seems to be on the bottom. And these wrestling matches/ pile ons are increasing in length. They can now make it almost 4 minutes before someone screams about not being able to breathe, the laughter turns to screaming, and someone gets a fat lip from a stray foot. So sweet, sorta like a pile of puppies.
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| When Daddy ties the tie |
AG is all about “the prince”. Who she is going to marry (“why can’t I marry daddy again?) And who is cute, and who likes whom at school…She is constantly pining for hugs, snuggles, wants to give and get kisses. It’s all really sweet. And my man and I love it, but it’s CONSTANT and I mean non-stop. IT starts sweet, but then becomes a little over-bearing as she clings and doesn’t respond to some healthy re-directing/boundaries. And maybe it’s the nature of where we minister, but in our faces, we are both panicing, thinking ahead to her as a teenager. I’m trying to encourage her to be expressive in other ways, etc. without spurning her intent, but what a challenge! If anyone has any wisdom, I need it. I’m praying and I’m coming up with a “resources” of people to call and books to read, but I don’t know how to help her without crushing her spirit. And to be sure, I’m sure some of it is just a phase too. I’m not that crazy- yet. J She is really funny, and is so good at helping others, being empathetic/sympathetic, engaging in conversation with anyone…she’s going to be a great adult. Sometimes I just get a little nervous. I am reminded that I have no idea what I am doing and need all the help I can get! The one area where my “self-sufficient” gene does not rear it’s head!
Favorite quite by A’s this week when studying the oceans and the continents: “Oh MOM! I know about the Pacific Ocean! They have a Sandals Resort there and I’ve always wanted to go there!” Thank you Sandals Resorts for advertising during Sesame Street. Apparently, your tactics are working. Introduce the kids to your resorts now, and it will already become a desire at 7! And as a mom, who I’m sure is also targeted as we peer through a stack of folded clothes for cameos of people we like with Elmo, I would prefer to go to the Bahamas resort with the big water slide, as it appears to be a great “family” place to escape from reality!
A and I also went to AG’s class this week and “did music”. AG was SUPER excited and talked about me coming everyday for two weeks. We sang lots of songs, played instruments, danced around….it was fun. I probably should have prepped A regarding what to do/how to help, as she tried several times to “direct” (take over) the group on what songs to sing and with which motions SHE thought they should do. She too, will be a great adult and a good leader. She definitely shows initiative, and shares the bossy gene of her mother. It WAS really fun to see her excited about helping others and doing something they liked. Again, I continue to flash forward and my prayers increase.
And in regards to what I’m learning personally, (as that is what I really need to remember so I won’t have to learn it so intensely as the first time around), is how much I struggle with pride. It isn’t an outward boasting for sure, but rather that deep, down, ugly, arrogance that slips out in comments I make or thoughts I have. It is SUPER YUCK. Most of the time lately, it comes out in unnecessary comments that I make in conversations. It’s like my filter is clogged and all sorts of “things I just need not say” ( or feel, think) slip out. I’m trying to hold every thought captive and keep perspective of who I am really am inside- that definitely helps. I know it is not a coincidence that songs of “do justly, love mercy, walk humbly” are constantly in my head. And I’m challenged to not just TELL truth to my kids, but rather to BE it for my kids- and even more for the Lover of my soul. Yep, back to the attitude of gratitude. It’s all about the motivation (love) not the manipulation (performance base). There’s nothing worse than seeing your struggles being reflected/fleshed out in your children. In all the craziness of the last schedule changes, my balance is lopped sided- and I can tell in my attitude and perspective.(much like PMS- only the spitirual/emotional kind) So I’m trying to re-adjust, go to bed earlier, prioritize. And I am so thankful that I am loved not for what I do, but for who I am- in spite of who I am. And thankful too, that there is hope in all things! So, with that remembered, it’s almost time for me to wake up and start my morning routine. I can start the day with the Word for today, some cups of coffee, and start that coffee cake for breakfast! And another thing I am confident of : I will need another cup of coffee again at 3pm!
Cookies of the week (last week too) White Chocolate Macadamia Nut
Oatmeal Cream pies
“The proud, trusting in their own way, get ruffled when all does not go according to their plan. The humble allow God to be God, and will prosper under His care.”
K. Wingate A Father’s Gift
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